My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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