I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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