Soap is not a condiment
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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