I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
