true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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