the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
