what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
