I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize