i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
