I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
