I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
