we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
