Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I checked into jail on foursquare
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
