you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
