Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
