apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
