I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
