then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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