In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
