What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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