I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
