Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
