It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
