Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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