Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
