so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
