The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
false alarm, still single
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
