the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
