I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she smelled like a LAN party
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
