i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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