Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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