But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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