apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
