Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
3 2 1 whiskey
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
