Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
