I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
