Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
