just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
