Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
