im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just had sex on a roof
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
