i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
