he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
