i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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