I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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