I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
