I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
