And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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