It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
