You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
