I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
