I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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