WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
