i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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