Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
