how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
